Five Things that Surprised Me About Roald Dahl’s MATILDA

The Tony awards are this Sunday, and acclaimed new musical Matilda is one of the most-nominated shows. To celebrate Matilda‘s ascension to Broadway greatness, I decided to read Roald Dahl’s original book for the first time ever. Here’s what surprised me most about it:
1. Matilda’s social chops are out of this world. I don’t bring that level of elegance and social grace to my conversations, and I’m in my mid-twenties—Matilda’s only five. She’s the Dr. Phil of her kindergarten, doling out advice and wisdom that even her teacher, Miss Honey, finds helpful.
2. Matilda hates her parents. The book give us insight into the kind of people Roald Dahl dislikes: ugly, overweight, artificial, book-hating TV-watchers—a.k.a. Matilda’s family, the Wormwoods. He also seems to hate people who hate kids. All this disdain comes out through Matilda, who merely observes exactly what she sees. Matilda’s chubby mom dotes on her slimy crook of a husband, and both of them ignore their daughter: how could she (and we) not hate them? But also, side note: how on earth is she related to them?!
3. It’s full of name-calling… and all of the names are amazing. “Poisonous little pockmark,” “witless weed,” and “empty-headed hamster” are just a few of the mega-burns concocted by Dahl—he would have been a smash hit at Comedy Central Roasts. Also, since Dahl was British, the book is filled with amazing Brit slang.
4. It’s horrifying. 
Twenty years ago, this novel would’ve given me nightmares. A torture device called the “Chokey,” hair-pulling, the kid stuffing himself with chocolate… if I’d read this in first or second grade, I’d have been begging to be home-schooled.
5. It ends abruptly. The magic ends pretty quickly. ‘Tilda (can we call her that?) does a few tricks with mind movement and plays a major, climactic prank, but then it’s all over. Womp. Even the ending of the book is rather hasty—(SPOILER ALERT) it all ends well for ol’ Mattie, but it would have been so lovely to get more information! She leaves her parents in the dust (or, rather, her parents leave her) to go live with Miss Honey. This is a thrilling turn of events, because everyone’s been rooting for these two underdogs to become a sort of mom and daughter. How does it work out for them? Does Matilda ever do more magic?! 
I accept that this is a children’s book and most kids don’t need these sort of answers, but I require them. Roald Dahl, I wish you’d written a sequel!