I’m a Book Scrooge. How Do I Change?

Dear Literary Lady,

I’m a Scrooge when it comes to lending my books to others. I want to turn over a new leaf, but how?
–E.S., Danbury, CT.
 
Dear E.S.,
If you’re trying to overcome the impulse to be overprotective and, let’s admit, a little possessive of your personal book collection, start with small changes. As with any habit that needs breaking, you won’t make any lasting changes if you to go cold turkey and start bequeathing books right and left. You’ll end up resenting all your friends and you’ll have nothing left to read at home.
It’s best to start with baby steps. For a start:
1. Set aside the books you will never, ever, EVER lend.
These are the books you’re allowed to be a Scrooge about. If you have any special editions, signed copies, inscribed pages, or books of sentimental value, set those aside. Nobody will ask you for them, nobody will make you lend them out, and if they do, it’s entirely reasonable to refuse. I have a shelf of first editions I can’t part with under any circumstances because they are my precious…my precious…
2. Decide which friends you’ll lend books to, and which friends you won’t.
You can make up your lending list as arbitrarily as you like, but I suggest considering the following:

1. How much do you like them? If you love someone, you should lend the books.
2. How frequently do you see them? This is important because it gives you an idea of the opportunities you’ll have to bug them about returning your book.
3. What are their reading habits? Do they read in the tub? On the treadmill at the gym? While eating Cheetos?

3. Borrow books from your friends.
This is perhaps the best way to motivate yourself to change your miserly ways. Borrowing books from others makes you realize some people are actually happy when they share their books and don’t anxiously await their return. Being on the receiving end of someone’s generosity will make you realize what a good thing it is to share great literature.
4. Breathe and count to 100.
Every time you have the urge to nag your friend about returning your book, or to check if they dog-eared the pages, or to remind them to maintain the integrity of the book jacket, breathe and count to 100. Don’t be overbearing if you’re going to lend your book out. It’s no fun for your friend to worry about the curvature of the book spine the whole time they’re reading. You do want them to enjoy the novel, don’t you? Okay, then sit back and calm down.
5. Talk it out.
Whenever someone borrows a book from you, talk about it with them. I promise the conversation you have will make all your anxiety about lending out your novels worth it.
6. A book is more than a book, but it’s also just a book.
We bookworms are understandably attached to our books because they represent wonderful, formative experiences to us. We treasure them because they’re more than just objects to us—they’re people, places, insights. That said, remember every book is just a copy of a book. If your friend forgets to return it or spills coffee on it, shrug it off. It’s merely one copy of a book you love, and there are others.
Lastly, always remember what Bill Watterson said, “Great experience are even better when they’re shared.”
Love and paperbacks,
Literary Lady